


Epoximise

by ConsentFest, Ladderofyears



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming on demand, Dildos, Discussion about Safe Words, Discussion about Setting Ground Rules before Sexual Actitivy, Dom Draco Malfoy, Dom/sub Play, Kink Spells, M/M, Magic Spell used as a Restraint, Panic Attacks, Press and Tabloids, Sex Magic, Sub Harry Potter, discussion about consent, sexual triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-10-22 05:43:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17657003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConsentFest/pseuds/ConsentFest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladderofyears/pseuds/Ladderofyears
Summary: When everything got too much for Harry, Draco looked after him.Harry knew his boyfriend accepted this, and he knew that with him, he was utterly safe. Draco never judged, never questioned and never asked Harry for anything other than his love. Only when he was with Draco, could Harry could imagine a future where he didn’t belong to the world, but only to one other person.A small story in which both Harry and Draco realise that they need to put in a bit more thought, communication and negotiation to their new relationship.





	Epoximise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cubedcoffeecake](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cubedcoffeecake/gifts).



> Dear cubedcoffeecake. 
> 
> Thank you very much for the prompt. I really loved writing this. I imagined a scenario where Harry and Draco had been sleeping together for a little while, and are very much in love. They need to work on their communication skills here though. 
> 
> And I mentioned dildos! Have a beautiful day, cubedcoffeecake xxxx
> 
> Also, many thanks to A for checking this over for me. Thank you for always being so bloody amazing.

Every so often, Harry liked to cede all control. 

His was a life lived in the public eye. Every choice he made was questioned by the Prophet, every word he spoke scrutinised, and every person in his life debated. His hair needed a cut? _His childhood had made him lax, slovenly._ Coffee with Hermione? _An affair, surely? And behind his best-friends back too._ Not been promoted? _Looks like the Chosen-One can’t hack being an Auror. Bet he’ll get a nice safe desk job._

From time to time, Harry felt their need so keenly it was like a curse ricocheting around his brain, just beneath his consciousness. 

Those were the days when Harry felt like he no longer existed; felt he’d become nothing but a figure head for all the wizarding word to pin their imaginings, their dreams, upon. He’d arrange his face into one which the world deemed acceptable, and then live through another day of a life that was starting to wear him thin. 

A world so desperate for him to be successful, to be happy and to save them over and over, that each and everyday they’d tear him down a little bit more. 

And he knew that it was too much. He’d been saving the world since he was eleven and some days, he just couldn’t do it any more. Those days Harry felt his smile starting to slip, felt his hands grip his wand just that little bit tighter and felt his thoughts start to spiral. 

Those were the days when he’d _take the risks_ ; when he’d get between his colleagues and the casually flung hexes. The days when he’d drink too much, waking the next morning to smashed photographs and regrettable choices. Those were the days when Harry could feel his life starting to tear apart at the seams, and he knew he couldn’t _truly trust_ himself. 

So, instead, Harry gave his absolute control to Draco. 

Harry knew his boyfriend accepted this, and he knew that with him, he was utterly safe. Draco never judged, never questioned and never asked Harry for anything other than his love. Only when he was with Draco, could Harry could imagine a future where he didn’t belong to the world, but only to one other person. Harry knew his boyfriend accepted this, and he knew that with him, he was utterly secure. 

Draco was Harry’s very own secret, his safe place. Draco was his home. 

And it was only with Draco (whom the Prophet had unceremoniously outed just one year before, describing him as a _perfidious criminal_ ) that Harry felt he was allowed to be himself. Harry knew he wouldn’t have to think, wouldn’t have to be in charge. He could cede all control to Draco, and let him make the decisions. 

Follow his quiet requests to the letter, and obey his every demand. Submit entirely to his gentle touches and enjoy the pleasure it afforded him. 

And it was easy. 

Easy for Harry to submit because Draco rewarded him with such love, such gentle words and such intense pleasure. Harry loved to be good for Draco, loved his smiles and his approval. Loved the spells that Draco cast to make him come on his demand, and how teasingly he’d wait to say the word. He ached for the incantation that acted like a dildo fucking his prostate, making him orgasm over and over till he was agonised and gasping; hoarse from moaning and his face wet with tears. 

Harry loved how wide Draco fucked him open, stretching him and filling him. 

Draco was Harry’s first and only lover, and their relationship had transformed his entire world. Only under his touch, his words did Harry become his true self; led far away from the inadequacy and judgement that submerged him, freeing him entirely and giving him back his freedom. 

“You love this, don’t you?… Love it when I fuck you?”

Harry shivered at Draco’s voice, loved how low and blissed out it sounded. His lover’s voice was restrained, but still clear in their quiet bedroom. 

_It was as if there were no other people in the world_ , Harry thought, _just us, lost in each other_. Harry didn’t even have the words to reply, for he couldn’t articulate how much he wanted, needed this. 

Draco was behind him, fucking him hard, and holding him still. The pace was relentless, hard and thorough, and Harry could hardly move. He wanted to give back, to grind against Draco and make him feel good too, but he couldn’t get any purchase on the bedsheets, and the pleasure cascading through his body was too great. All he could do was take it, arse in the air and torso shoved hard against the bed. 

“Look at you, all mine. You’ve no idea how good you look like this… Your gorgeous arsehole stretched so wide for me”

And at these words Harry felt Draco’s magic roll over him in a wave, felt the frisson of it spark and fizz against his skin in a cool wave. He’d cast some sort of wandless sex magic; something beautiful that would make his body writhe and wriggle. Harry felt his body shuddering with pure lust, every cell of his body feeling like a firework just on the verge of exploding. 

_But then Harry released he absolutely couldn’t move._

For a moment, Harry literally thought he might die. A choking sensation filled his throat and his entire skin felt like it had been dunked in ice water. He was dizzy, trembling and he thought his heart was going to hammer out of his mouth. 

Everything good, everything sensual about their evening evaporated and Harry just felt broken-hearted. _This wasn’t what he was supposed to feel. Draco was his refuge, his home._ Now he just felt exposed, unattractive and self-conscious. Draco had _Epoximised_ him, stuck his body in place with a charm so he could fuck him harder. Harry broke the charm abruptly and buried his face in the pillow. _It wasn’t fair_ , Harry thought. _He’d done everything Draco had asked him to, and now he felt used, like some sort of sex toy._

“Harry?… Are you okay?” Draco’s voice pulled Harry back into the room, and out of his whirling thoughts. 

His boyfriend had pulled out and was lying half on top of him, heavy and awkward. Draco’s body was hot, damp with sweat, but Harry couldn’t get warm. He was shivering uncontrollably, and to his utter mortification he had gone entirely soft. _Merlin! Why was his body doing this? The sex had been superb, just bloody mind-blowing._ Harry’s body, however, seemed to have taken the spell like a physical blow. 

“Its nothing. I’m fine… It’s just been a bad day. I’m… I’m sorry” he mumbled, shifting his body out from underneath Draco. They lay face to face, and Harry knew his face betrayed his every thought and feeling to his lover, and to his horror, he felt tears start to roll down his face.

Draco’s hand ghosted over Harry’s body, his long lithe fingers so tender and full of love. 

“Don’t say sorry, Harry. Never say sorry, love… You haven’t done anything wrong” 

Draco snaked his arms around Harry, and pulled him close, so that there was no space left between them. Harry felt comforted then; felt loved. He let out a shaky, shuddering breath and tried to steady his breathing. He could tell that his heartbeat had started to slow down, could feel that the muscles in his shoulders had started to relax, but for the life of him, Harry couldn't understand why he’d reacted like he had. 

“But… I don’t understand why that happened? What went wrong? You’ve done other stuff to me. Sex magic… Spells. And I loved it all, revelled in it even… You’re so bloody good to me Draco, and… Well, I feel like I’ve let us both down-”

Harry felt Draco lean over, and kiss the top of his hair. He felt the shimmer of Draco’s love radiate all over his body, but Harry screwed his eyes shut against the emotion. He was still shaky and anxious, and he simply couldn’t bear Draco’s look of sympathy, couldn’t stand how upset and concerned his boyfriend looked when their eyes met. _I ruin everything in my life_ , Harry decided. _Why should this be any different?_

Draco was being quiet, Harry realised. His boyfriend’s body was tense, his brow furrowed. After a silence that seemed to last an age, Draco swallowed and started to speak. 

“You’re being bloody ridiculous if you think you’ve done something wrong, Harry.” Draco said quietly, shifting himself into a sitting position.

“Firstly, you’re right. We have done some other stuff, and yeah… Some of it was pretty hot. But just because we’ve enjoyed one thing, well… It doesn’t mean that that you have to enjoy everything. You know, you always, always have the right to stop. If anybody has done anything wrong here… Then, it was me, Harry -”

“- But Draco, I _asked_ for this! I asked for you to look after me. We talked about this… Talked about how hard I find the whole bloody world sometimes. Everybody expects so bloody much, all the time. I’m never allowed to scowl, or have a bad day… I can’t lose my temper or even buy a pint of fucking milk! I can’t walk down the road without the Prophet following me… I need this. Need to not be in control of myself sometimes… But I don’t know where that reaction came from -”

“That reaction was you feeling distressed” Draco sighed, spreading a length of Harry’s hair between his fingers. 

“I don’t know, Harry. I’m literally the last person on Diagon you’d want as a Mind Healer, but I suppose this is your body’s way of telling me that when we’re together like this, then you need to retain at least some semblance of control… I mean, from what you’ve told me… Even as a kid you never got any choice-”

“-No fucking choice about anything. I got told what to eat… If I was even _allowed_ to eat that is. I got told what I could wear, what I was allowed do with my bloody time… But that’s not who I am now, Draco. This whole conversation is ludicrous! I didn’t get upset just now because I had to wear Dudley’s old jumpers when I was nine -”

“-You’ve never been given much of a choice about anything, love” His boyfriend had knitted their fingers together, lain their hands together in a knot on Draco’s chest. 

“And off you went to school where you spent seven years so bloody terrified that you didn't have time to even think about the fact you’d never been given no choice about any of that, either. You might have been the Chosen-One, but it was _always_ other people’s decisions, Harry… Look, I’m not bloody brilliant at apologising, but if anybody needs to say sorry here… Then its me”

Harry didn’t know quite what to say to that. 

In all the years he’d known Draco, throughout their years as bitter rivals, their hesitant friendship and this wonderful, burgeoning relationship, Draco had never, ever said sorry. Harry hadn’t actually thought it was in his vocabulary. 

“Remember when told me that this was what you wanted? Me, to take care of you sexually, and make the decisions? Well, we should have been clearer with each other. We should have talked about things we might like and dislike… The things that were acceptable, and things that absolutely weren't. And all the maybes in between? We should have discussed those too… But I ploughed on ahead today, and did something that was the opposite of taking care of you, and, well… I’m sorry”

“But I was the one who had the bad reaction, Draco! I was the one that ruined our night… I don’t understand-”

“I understand” Draco interrupted.

“I understand that what I did gave you a panic attack. It made you feel degraded. So it wasn’t acceptable, and I can promise you now that it will never, ever happen again. I don’t know, Harry… Your whole life had been spent subordinate to other peoples needs. First the Dursleys, then Dumbledore and now the entirety of the wizarding community seems to want something from you. Its no wonder, really, that your ideas about consent are skewed… You do realise, don’t you, that your body is your own? Yours to do with as you wish! _It was made to give you pleasure; to make you feel joyful._ Not to submit to things that fill you with dread… I’m the one with more experience, and I should have known better -”

“You weren't to know I’d have that reaction, though! Okay, I didn’t like it, and yes… I suppose I’d prefer you not to stick me down again. But how could you have known?” 

“We should have talked more beforehand and set some ground-rules for us to follow! We should have talked about _Epoximising_ and whether it was something you actually wanted me to do-”

Harry frowned at that comment. 

“-But I might have agreed anyway Draco!… Thought that it was a great idea...”

“And _it still wouldn't have mattered_ Harry, because even if you’d have consented beforehand you’re not obliged to go through with anything! Merlin! Good sex can be fucking amazing but we neglected the thought and negotiation required to make get it right for both of us. We should have had a safe word, something you could say if the experience was getting a bit much. I’d have been protected from causing you non-consensual harm as well. Bloody hell, Potter. Have I ruined everything?”

“No… Nothing’s ruined” Harry whispered, kissing Draco’s throat and running his fingers through the sparse, almost transparent hair on his boyfriend’s chest. “Let’s just lie together for a little while longer. You can tell me all about safe words, and kink spells, and all the other things you Slytherins were up to while I was saving the world”. 

He leaned over and kissed Draco then, enjoying how warm his lips were beneath his. Nothing was ruined. 

They had their whole future to talk, to negotiate and to to work out how to make each other feel respected and loved. Harry thought perhaps that their relationship had moved onto some deeper level, that they’d gained a deeper bond somehow. 

Harry wasn’t sure how to put these feelings into words so he contented himself by nuzzling his head into the crook of Draco’s neck.

While he still felt unsettled about the events of the evening, Harry knew that he still felt more comfortable in Draco’s embrace that he did anywhere else in the world. Any sexy mood had long since disappeared, but Harry felt far happier now they were communicating more openly. 

After all, Draco was still Harry’s very own secret, his safe place. Draco was still his home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! 
> 
> I got the idea for this story watching Fifty Shades Freed (Don't ask!) with my partner. We commented on how the female character, Anastasia, seemed to engage in a Sub role with little or no discussion beforehand. This made me think about the actual hard work- the discussion, negotiation and self reflection - that would have to go into making a real life sub/dom sexual relationship safe for both partners. 
> 
> Harry and Draco haven't put in the work here yet, but I hope that by the end they are both considering how they can make the other feel safe and loved. 
> 
> Have a superb day xxxxx


End file.
